just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
