I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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