Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
