I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
