Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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