Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
