sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I forget how to act sober
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