i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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