I'm really into asian looking animals
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
