guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
