We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
