its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
