They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
