How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
