She's JV to your varsity
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
