In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
