Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
