My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
