She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
