I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
