This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
