Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
