wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
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