I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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