This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh god it's open bar.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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