I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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