dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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