I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
