So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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