Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
