Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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