haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You can't special order awesome
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
