Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
