My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
