I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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