Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
