I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
