Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
