what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
