Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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