Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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