I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
