LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
