These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
