We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
