Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
