am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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