Will you blow on my dice?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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