someone threw a dead crab at me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
