I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
