fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
oh god the rape fog is back!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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