who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
