meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
