you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
