i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
