I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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