The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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