:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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